Desperation Happiness

Blanket's Stare

sefreeman@comcast.net — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 09:19:54 GMT

So here is a note, its been a long month
and now I have to, have to go to sleep now
its 2 a.m. and I feel like
I might have done something wrong

Carissa's Wierd</>

I believe in freedom.

sefreeman@comcast.net — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 02:21:19 GMT

"All voting is a sort of gaming, like checkers or backgammon, with a slight moral tinge to it, a playing with right and wrong, with moral questions; and betting naturally accompanies it. The character of the voters is not staked. I cast my vote, perchance, as I think right; but I am not vitally concerned that that right should prevail. I am willing to leave it to the majority. Its obligation, therefore, never exceeds that of expediency. Even voting for the right is doing nothing for it. It is only expressing to men feebly your desire that it should prevail. A wise man will not leave the right to the mercy of chance, nor wish it to prevail through the power of the majority. There is but little virtue in the action of masses of men. When the majority shall at length vote for the abolition of slavery, it will be because they are indifferent to slavery, or because there is but little slavery left to be abolished by their vote. They will then be the only slaves. Only his vote can hasten the abolition of slavery who asserts his own freedom by his vote."
Henry David Thoreau

That being said, I didn't vote yesterday. I didn't ask for a mail-in ballot, neither did I lie to the many Obama supporter's standing on city street corners asking whether or not I was registered. I merely said, no, I'm not registered, I've thought about it a lot but thanks anyway. Now that being said, I'm extremely happy Obama was elected his speech last night was inspiring and I hope he acts true to those words.

But I'm not going to get into WHY I don't vote or what problems I have with our government, or how I thought about voting until I watched the second presidential debate and was sorely disappointed. What I want to talk about is Proposition 8 in California, and what voting really means. At least, what it means to me.

When you vote you're effectively signing two agreements. Firstly you agree that what you're voting on SHOULD be voted on. That means that the last word essentially lies with the government. In this case you're saying: "This is the manner we should be deciding whether or not a couple of the same-sex should be allowed to marry". The second agreement is that you will submit to the outcome, whatever it may be. You do not have to think it's morally correct, but you will adhere to it's legal authority.

California voted Yes on Prop 8. Following my logic, that means those who voted on it agree that it should be a matter for the government to endorse and ultimately decide. They should also believe that though, they may think it's actually morally acceptable, it is indeed unlawful for same-sex couples to marry. I'm not saying that Californians did the wrong thing by voting, they were simply operating within the system put forth before them, I will admit it was the quickest, most practical way to get things done, even if it wasn't 100%. I can't expect everyone to be idealists or for human understanding to change overnight. So we get things done the best way we know how. Even if that is the case, it doesn't mean we can throw out everything else that follows when operating within that system- meaning those two agreements I listed above.

Another quote: "The government which governs least, governs best."

My simple point of view concerning Prop 8. is that the questions of whether or not two people, two Americans in this case, should be allowed to marry should NEVER have been put up to a vote. It disgusts me that it was, and it saddens me that people were so fervent about getting people to vote one way or the other, while no one stood up and said "What the eff? Why are we even voting on this in the first place?" Our country does not give rights. We ask the question of the Bill of Rights: Did we always have the right to free speech, or was it 'granted' to us. We've always had it and we always will people. Speaking of the Bill of Rights making same-sex marriage illegal strictly denies our "unalienable" right to free-speech. Another reason it should never have been on the ballot. Sheesh.

Back to freedom and voting- We are in no way bound by duty, nor obligation to vote. Yes, we have the right to vote. Yes our ancestors (well some of them anyway) fought with their lives for these rights, however it does not follow that we are obligated to use them. Since when did the existence of certain rights trump our freedom to act on those rights? Rather than a right, it's an OPPORTUNITY. They died in order to give us the ability, the choice, to vote, it's our unquestionable right to choose whether or not to vote. Just as it's anyone's right to say "Boy, considering our history it sure would be nice if you voted." But obligation does not lie in within right. I am not obligated to speak my mind whenever I disagree, or am I obligated to carry firearms. But I could if I wanted to, because I have that freedom.

Once again, I'm glad Obama was elected, I believe he and I hold more ideals than McCain, however, the change I'm looking for won't come straight from him, or the white house, or the government. It will come from US. It will be seen when questions about civil liberties are not put on a piece of paper and debated over until we're all screaming at each other. It will be decided as naturally as taking a breath. But that's because I'm an idealist and I believe in a universal truth, a greater ethic called Humanity that one day we'll all realize we're already a part of.

I just hope that day of realization will come in my lifetime.

One day morals won't have to be turned into laws in order for people to believe in them. The idealist in me is screaming that the more we do that, the farther away that day is.

I have a new alarm clock, it's called yesterday's bean soup...

sefreeman@comcast.net — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 23:11:49 GMT

My longest fart ever, woke me up one minute before my alarm this morning.

Frikken awesome.

The truth about Rosaline...

sefreeman@comcast.net — Tue, 25 Dec 2007 21:48:41 GMT

"With Rosaline, my ghostly father? no;
I have forgot that name, and that name's woe."

The name who sticks needles through my hearts and eyes
for looking causes shaking and aim faults
only pain remains and the memory of dreams dreamt; so

let's rejoice
let's dance and swing
my dear Rosaline is dead and buried
with these hands I covered my love

Let Prince not fret, with the Friar's aid she is forgotten by all
protected under his holy earth she rots
my aim is once again true. for a new doe I saw

Juliet is fresh and fair, unknown to my wildest and
under the sway of cool and calm voice, she follows; so

I rejoice
I dance and swing
my dear Rosaline is dead and buried
and soon; a companion, my hands will deliver

sefreeman@comcast.net — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 22:58:25 GMT

Sometimes I really miss you
Sometimes so much I pretend it hurts.

sefreeman@comcast.net — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 06:34:10 GMT

Pretty freaking interesting...

sefreeman@comcast.net — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 10:22:02 GMT

What the f*ck does it matter?

sefreeman@comcast.net — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 02:52:25 GMT

Tears

It is like giving up,
it's like removing the pins from the calender
and leaving it splayed on the top of a folded map

it's like missing the faces and voices
it's like the eyes and mouths of people you'll never meet
you'll never touch

it's like the world is decaying in equal measures
it's like a symphony is playing in distress
to the waving of foul hands

it's like giving up
it's like leaving the world behind
creating a living death out of your mind

It is like giving up.

Force and forge, walk and do not wither.

sefreeman@comcast.net — Sat, 07 Jul 2007 07:55:26 GMT

For behind you glows a memory ember of sage.

There's no way to explain it. This coil.

sefreeman@comcast.net — Wed, 04 Jul 2007 08:09:37 GMT

Into two, we diverge

From eight fish, the foundation for a thimble, pours
heat, a fist, relaxed, mediated
so the ground can stand firm upon kneaded time,
a misappropriated wealth of even the wrong kind of passion
the fire whose flame never reaches the catch despite all,

reverberating sounds of a dying man, gasping,
demanding for air and all things abundant, in order
to fill his wicker basket he will do anything,

from eight seagulls, the crane and a snake
we make ten first hand excuses to legitimize
being carried away by our lust and instinct,
forced to empty the cardboard box of guilt and hatred
containing all we've ever felt, and deemed unnecessary.

an ollllllllld survey refitted with newwww answers.

sefreeman@comcast.net — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 07:15:47 GMT

So I took this from my Livejournal archives from 2002. the first response is listed, then a semi-colon followed by my new response. comments are in brackets.
Enjoy.

1. Name: Stephen; ditto
02. Hair Colour: Black, with the tips of the curls crap, copper coloured; black-brownish?
03. Eye Color: brown
04. Height Currently: 6'
05. Glasses/contacts: neither?
06. Birthdate: I forgot
07. StarSign: is that the same thing as zodiac? if it is, Aquarious
08. Current Age: 17; 22
09. Siblings: Anika
10. Siblings Age: 28; 33
12. College Plans: MSU or CMU, and a tiny little chance of EMU; MSU!

13. Any Piercing: Not yet

SOCIAL LIFE
01. Best Friends: Don't have one, never have; um. you know who you are.
02. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: ...; not currently
03. Current Crush: one of the three... ; do people really say who it is in these things? I've only got one this time around though.
04. Hobbies: Snowboarding and anime like what; table-tennis, sleeping, dreaming
06. Are You Center Of Attention Or Wallflower: I'm like Kaitlyn, matters my energy level, where I am and who I'm around...; ???
07. What Type Automobile Do You Drive: My afro ken pimped out Explorer Sport; focus (ps. I miss my explorer sport with the stickers on the back
08. Are You Timely Or Always Late: Late ;); I try and be on time now
09. Do You Have A Job: Kinda...; building trucks!
10. Do You Like Being Around People: Not particularly... I unno.. I'm still thinkin about that; sometimes

STUFF
01. Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: Nope; Zooey Deschanel!
02. Have You Ever Cried Over Something Someone of The Opposite Sex Did: ha ha! no, moi no cry.; still nope
03. Do You Have A "Type" Of Person You Always Go After: Well I've noticed I "go after" the quiet, not so expressive with their feelings girls.. I think it's so that I never get in a relationship with them, therefore I can't hurt her.. yet I get hurt :); what the hell does that mean, how would I hurt anyone back then? anyway... I don't think I have a type anymore
04. Want Someone You Don't Have Right Now: sure.; you ALWAYS want what you can't have.
05. Ever Liked a close Guy/Girl Friend: pistaccios? oh wait, we weren't close...; I'd say so, yes.
06. Are You Lonely Right Now: I don't get lonely often...; almost?
07. Ever Afraid You'll Never Get Married: I'm afraid I'll get a girlfriend; (I loled at my young response) no not really afraid
08. Do You Want To Get Married: yeah; maybes
09. Do You Want Kids: yeah; EFF NO WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
10. Are You British: I wish. heh...; hah!
FAVORITE
01. Room In house: Library, I could live here.; bedroom
02. Type of music: Emo, punk, alt.; FOLK BABY.. er. indie-folk, or whatever you wanna call it.
03. Song: Goo Goo Dolls - Iris; "so you wanna be a superhero - Carissa's wierd"
04. Memory: same with kaitlyn, I also have a memory problem; anything that can still make me smile
05. Day Of The Week: friday; ditto
06. Colour: dark Purple; ditto
07. Perfume Or Cologne: Strawberry apple cranbrook of the heavens ?_?; ?_?
08. Flower: just not that one flower that I can't spell... go me....; ...
09. Month: what?; ditto
10. Season: Winter; ya know.. summer. minus the bugs
11. Place to be kissed: I wouldn't know, now would I?; lips!
12. Location for dates: again I wouldn't know, but if I had to choose I say the ski slopes buddy!; hey buddy, anyway, my lap.

IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU:
01. Cried: you mean have I cried in the last ohh.. 5 years.. no.; make that 10 years, and no.
02. Bought Something: A pop...; yes. skittles I think.
03. Gotten Sick: yeah; no
04. Sang: prolly; yes, T. Waits in the car.
05. Said I Love You: I don't think I've ever said that, unless it was in a song; nope
06. Wanted To Tell Someone You Loved them, But Didn't: lol no; nope (I hate "lol" unless it's pronounced lawl, and said in real life)
07. Met Someone New: yeah; yes
08. Moved On: a chairlift; my feet
09. Talked To Someone: yes; yes
10. Had A Serious Talk: yuppers; had a serious lecture...
11. Missed Someone: yeah kinda; yeah kinda
12. Hugged Someone: nope, I don't hug, right kaitlyn.. I'm just hugged.; nope
13. Kissed Someone: heavens to betsy no!; I wish
14. Fought With Your Parents: kinda; lectured by?
15. Dreamed About Someone You Can't Be With: lol yup, but I don't know if I can be with her or not...; if imaginary girls count yeah. (not those kind of dreams!)
16. Had a lot of sleep: riiiiiight, no.; Not as much as I'd like
17. Wanted This Survey To Be Over: ...; It's over when I say it's over!

* ? future
[do you want to get married] yeah; already answered
[if so, what age would you like to be married] doesn't matter; when I can support myself and hopefully her!
[who will you marry] someone I love.; obviously
[what do you want to do when you grow up] no clue. a slacker if possibly, or maybe an official snowboarder/anime watcher... oh wait, that'd be slacker :); live and love
[where will you live] in a house hopefully; place with a roof
[do you want to have kids]yeah; NO heh. though I do have names, oh heck yeah two questions down!
[if so, how many] 1 or 2; ...
[what would you name them] Lain, Tobias; (lain is good) Loren-Tobias, Adien (boys), and Petticoat, Lain or Colins (girls)

* ? this or that
[coke/pepsi] coke; niether
[pen/pencil] pencil {mechanical}; pen
[vanilla/chocolate] chocolat!; vanilla icecream, chocolate shake
[hug/kiss] ...; if it really means something they usually come in pairs
[lights on/off] off; off
[dark/light] dark; dark
[rose/lily] rose; dark
[dr pepper/mountain dew] neither; DP, but niether
[mcdonalds/burger king] I also like Wendy's!; I also don't eat fast food
[sandals/shoes] shoes; def. shoes
[*nsync/bsb] this is a joke right... how bout.. The Used?; haha how bout Leonard Cohen
[britney/christina] I think christina looks better; Baldie!
[justin timberlake/nick carter] *barfs*; cleans up the puke
[cd/tape] cd; I'm supposed to say vinyl, I know, but I'll say MP3 instead! hah
[phone/computer] Computer.; computer!
[skittles/m & m's] SKittles; ditto
[rich and unhappy/poor and happy] ...; rich in happiness
[tootsie pops/blow pops] tootsie; pops
GOD THIS IS LONG!
* ? favorites
[color] dark purple, still...; honesly now, keep track of your own questions survey!
[food]Mostaccoli; good food
[group] ? The Used; Carissa's Wierd
[solo singer] Yoko Kanno <-- werd; Tim Kasher
[movie] Fight Club, Boondock Saints, Lilo and stitch for life~!; Last Life in the Universe
[tv show] Animes count? Escaflowne; The Office, Heroes
[beverage] Sprite; Water
[alcoholic beverage] ...; Harps
[subject] ...; Philosophy
[teacher] oh god ...!; our chem teacher was pretty hot back in the day
[store in the mall] hot topic?; book store
[radio station] 93.9 less talk more rock! or something like that...; cd player
[book] Amber spyglass; time traveler's wife
[holiday] ...; ...
[sport] hockey and snowboarding; Table-Tennis
[fast food] taco bell; none
[color to wear] black; ("black" oh, I'm original.) um. any color?
[number] 5; 5
[actress] rachel leigh cook; Zooey Deschanel
[actor] Ed Norton; Asano Tadanbu
[place to eat] ...; Japanese Steak houses
[ice cream flavor] chocolate; combination

* ? questions
- have you ever ..
[cheated on a test] prolly; kind of
[cut your own hair] never; nope
[dyed your own hair] kinda; kinda
[been in a fight] Nope; nope
[if so, how many times] ...; ditto
[skinny dipped] nope; nope
[skipped school] nope; a better question would be "have you ever GONE to class?!
[stayed home on a saturday] sure; yeah
[streaked] no...; with boxers
[toilet papered someones house/car] nope.; no
[paintballed someones house/car etc] nope; no
[got toilet papered] nope; no
[got in trouble with the police] yeah; yes
[if so, for what] speeding of course; going in the girls' sauna
[stolen something] nope; no
[broken a bone] collerbone; ditto, but learn to spell collarbone correctly will ya?
[cheated on a bf/gf] nope.; never!
[fell asleep in class] everyday; yes
[gone to jail/juvenile] Nope; no
[been in the hospital] many a time; ditto
[flashed someone] heh nope; nope
[kissed someone of the same sex] ...; in your dreams
[gotten lost on a vacation] prolly; sure?

* ? other questions
[do you have a car] yup; yes
[if so, what kind of car do you have] explorer sport; focus
[what kind of car do you want] convertable; (again with the spelling) anything that runs
[do you think you will ever get your dream car] nope; I don't usually dream about cars
[do you wish u were older/younger] not really...; younger so I could not make as many mistakes as I have
[if so, what age and why] ....; young enough
[do you drink] nope; occasionally I drink a lot.
[do you smoke] nope; mugwort
[do you cuss] I quit, for the second time; I haven't since I took this the first time
[do you consider yourself attractive] not at all...; my hair maybe.. since other people say so
[do you consider yourself a nice girl/boy] kinda; I try to be
[do you have a cd burner] yup; yes
[what did you do yesterday] went snowboarding, killed myself; christine's bonfire and fireworks
[what did you do today] no where!; slept and watched star wars
[what are you doing tomorrow] school; sleeping and writing a paper, or do you mean on tuesday? then work.
[what are you doing this weekend] ?; dunno
[what did you do last weekend] hrm?; GRAPE EXPECTATIONS! ftw
[what are you gonna do when this is over] ?; find something else to waste my time with

* ? the last
[thing you ate] Mostaccoli; ice cream
[thing you drank] water; ditto
[song you heard] Don't the japanese font to type the name in...; Deb Talan - Cherry Trees
[show you watched] Taken; (Taken was a good show) star wars episode III until it broke
[thing you said] "nope"; good night
[person you saw] Christine; Lauren L. (aka. L-Dizzle42O)
[person who called you] Christine; holy crap, Christine!
[person you called] I have no clue; L-Dizzle42O
[person you hugged] Once again, I don't hug right?; that's a good question... I don't remember the last person I hugged...
[last car you rode in] Mine.; ditto

Again. with some fixes.

sefreeman@comcast.net — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 06:08:37 GMT

Untitled (2.27.07)

From here your face looks so discontent
As you barely smile I bet there’s at least a mile between your head and your heart
If I could lay some steel, a railroad to traverse
Through twin dim windows into some tundra, timid and resigned
My eyes, my hands, my mouth would travel

But why are we attracted to misery in such ways that make us despise?
Burnt and scorched in the same fire we strive to kindle
The smell of roasted desire perfume the room and she knows
The growth in your heart won’t slow as the tumor still grows
We’ll catch our death in our love of the naked self-esteem we possess
Or so it seems as the snow falls in uneven reams

You can’t hide the coal that lusts through your iron sleeve
So do your aspirations rust holes in tumors benign
Or could it be I'm just as equally resign[ed]?

So it does.

sefreeman@comcast.net — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 03:58:18 GMT

It Lingers…

Similar to the monsters who when you were blue kept you from sleeping
Holding hostage your heart in whole and part then on from speaking

The words as dreams losing all means of regaining hope

You do your best to stay abreast: afloat under covers until waking, wincing daylight.

I wrote this awhile ago (in between the last poems I posted)

sefreeman@comcast.net — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 05:24:11 GMT

what it takes

In the dead of winter slow exhales transform strangers into angels
floating on clouds, drifting towards the ground in order to visit me
because in a fantasy I had wings large, white and protective
I could glide over the moon waves, pulling and pushing at the ocean
while flight my be a fancy it's exhausting to stay afloat
if you awake you fall, to the cold sidewalk, packed snow so hard it'd hurt
so keep it as a dream, a wish, a love, keep her as a ghost, close
because one day you'll see her in your breath and smiling sliding toward you as if on air.

oh cute not-happy girl in my sign language class...

sefreeman@comcast.net — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 07:09:33 GMT

Untitled (2.27.07)

From here your face looks so discontent
As you barely smile I bet there’s at least a mile between your head and your heart
If I could lay some steel, a railroad to traverse
Through twin dim windows into some tundra, timid and resigned
My eyes, my hands, my mouth would travel

But why are we attracted to misery in such ways that make us despise?
Burnt and scorched in the same fire we strive to kindle
The smell of roasted desire perfume the room and she knows
The growth in your heart won’t slow as the tumor still grows
We’ll catch our death in our love of the naked self-esteem we possess
Or so it seems as the snow falls on bare shoulders

You can’t hide the coal that lusts through your iron sleeve
So do your aspirations rust holes in tumors benign
Or could it be you’re just as equally resigned as her?

sefreeman@comcast.net — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 08:33:50 GMT

So I just got out of a 9-hour meeting.

But ya know what? I feel pretty good.

It's mee.z!

sefreeman@comcast.net — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 20:51:53 GMT

sefreeman@comcast.net — Sat, 27 Jan 2007 23:13:39 GMT

Open your eyes

Uncalculated love means tilling in warm pavement groves
Heat radiating distorting sight and lives and lies
A bridge once stood where this pier now sinks so meet me in the water cool
Down deep where light’s diluted diffused in mouths of sea beasts
The same truth sitting next to you on buses destined and designed for golden roads
Heading towards green glows in the distance just as you’ve missed every chance to
Open your eyes

The sun pours in and drapes over your dusty books the shirts you used to wear
She picked them out for you in distress at the last breath of the show
The set was short even though it took 3 years for you to see, unfailing
That the girl sitting next to you is the only woman you can stand
Like gravity ‘keeps you where you are and you’ve got no choice
Moist shoes and a brisk breeze, tearing sharing its frozen voice
Harsh and coarse we’ll forgive nature for making it so difficult to
Open your eyes

While walking towards the meaning of everything and nothing’s behind you
Carefully milling over all University’s taught you over the years
Finding it hard to breath, wrapping the scarf tighter around your neck
Figurin’ out it’s all a farce; few and far between our enlightenments come
So shun the so-called soothsayers and sign-wielders their shouts and name-calling
Lower our heads to the guillotine like French aristocrats, unfairly and barbaric
They’re meant to scare you and deter you, but you’ve already made it
So open your eyes

...

sefreeman@comcast.net — Mon, 18 Dec 2006 05:35:59 GMT

Home for the holidays

Home for the holidays and the streets are always familiar
Each curve is expected, anticipated and has been traversed before
Lawn ornaments are usually the first to welcome me
They salute my return to a house too big to hold in any kind warmth

Home for the holidays and there’s always something to get me down
Some memory or ghost haunting my brain and fingertips
Some amount of will that will never be enough to turn a head
Some word that will never describe what it feels like

Home for the holidays and my loved ones are supposed to be here
But I walk into an empty house with a dog and fish
Two more specters walk around saying my name
But I can never hear them; my ears are filled with plastic noise

Home for the holidays and everything I have is right in front of me
I’m reminded about how much means so little to me
This place, some things and these people
They’ll never be mine

Home for the holidays
And I can’t help but feel
Lost.

eff that noise; here's something I wrote last year

sefreeman@comcast.net — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 05:31:58 GMT

Act 2, Scene 2
The dream

And out of consciousness I saw myself.

I was in a desert, dragging my feet as I staggered towards you
You, an oasis of soft grass and clear spring
Tall trees, as old as the sand it seemed
An island a perfect shade of green and blue amidst a sea of pale yellow

I imagined your cool water washing the salt from my skin.

And yet, the nearer I approached
The more you evaporated, the more you appeared as
Heat off a highway
So real, so near, and yet incredibly transparent and constantly fleeting

A mirage by all standards.

Not that I agree, but I do find it interesting.

sefreeman@comcast.net — Sat, 02 Dec 2006 01:05:47 GMT

It's a funny thing about the modern world. You hear girls in the toilets of clubs saying, "Yeah, he fucked off and left me. He didn't love me. He just couldn't deal with love. He was too fucked up to know how to love me." Now, how did that happen? What was it about this unlovable century that convinced us we were, despite everything, eminently lovable as a people, as a species? What made us think that anyone who fails to love us is damaged, lacking, malfunctioning in some way? And particularly if they replace us with a god, or a weeping madonna, or the face of Christ in a ciabatta roll--then we call them crazy. Deluded. Regressive. We are so convinced of the goodness of ourselves, and the goodness of our love, we cannot bear to believe that there might be something more worthy of love than us, more worthy of worship. Greetings cards routinely tell us everybody deserves love. No. Everybody deserves clean water. Not everybody deserves love all the time.

P.381
White Teeth by Zadie Smith

It's funny that I read that passage the same day I was thinking I was indeed, unable to love. How... coincidental.

Sleep... what's that???

sefreeman@comcast.net — Wed, 18 Oct 2006 07:15:16 GMT

I love the way you tease

The balloon dancing away from me
But kept close by my fingers tangled in it's string
Never willing to let you go
Not even for a second.

sefreeman@comcast.net — Tue, 10 Oct 2006 22:21:38 GMT

All I Can Say

Honey, the years between us are smothering,
Breathless, I whisper your name by squeezing out the last of the air in my lungs
Just in time to notice you’ve fallen asleep
As I watch you sleep and try hard to figure out how something so perfect can even exist
I only come up with the truth and I give in to the acknowledgement,
That in reality I’m merely looking at a memory, an experience since passed and perhaps now extinct
And God if I could only hold you again would I memorize every sensation
(The smell of your hair, the warmth of your breath on my neck
The pressure of your chest pushing softly against mine
Our hearts racing to oxygenate our respective bodies)
But even memories don’t last forever; eventually they’re replaced with jealousy, anger and doubt
In my head I think about the age-old question and arrive at only one conclusion
And whether I’m with someone else or you’ve finally forgotten me altogether, the truth is
At one time we shared something greater than anything we could’ve imagined,
Something that transcended us; that though may be hidden during the worst situations
Is always there and is as eternal as it is indescribable, so much that all I can say,
Is ‘I love you’.

it's been awhile

sefreeman@comcast.net — Wed, 04 Oct 2006 03:03:09 GMT

There's really no fucking point in anything.

"ask of me tomorrow and you shall find me a grave man"

uh-oh

sefreeman@comcast.net — Tue, 19 Sep 2006 07:16:14 GMT

Apparently I no longer sleep at night...